A page of Sam's diary
by MelawenSirfalas
Summary: A little story of what happened to Sam when he was first changed.


What if your life was perfect? What if you had everything you ever wanted? What if everything was just taken away from you by a change? My life was perfect, I had everything I ever desired, a sudden change turned my world upside down.. Nothing would ever be the same again.

'Till so far today had been one of the most perfect days, I smiled to myself, pleased to know that today had been as perfect for Leah as it was for me. Leah was the love of my life, it felt like my existence depended on her. Our love was easy, like breathing, we just sensed each other. Today we went out on one of our 'special' dates. I took Lee-Lee, like I always lovingly called her, to our special place. A peaceful clearing near a stream in the woods. Very simple, but it made us forget about the daily pain called high-school. Together we watched over the little stream and we had or feet dangling in the cool water. The glowing sun made the temperature feel very comfortable, it wasn't cold even though it was already the end of September. Leah sat, cuddled into my chest, watching over the stream. Together we were playfully discussing our future, will we ever have kids together? And where were we going to live? We didn't know what the future held back for us, the only thing we knew is that we would grow old together. I sighed happily and kissed Leah on her forehead. She turned her head up and smiles at me. Tenderly she placed her hand on my cheek and jerked it away with a shocked expression on her face. It was hard to read her expression, it seemed like a mixture of disbelieve and shock.

"Sam!" She sounded startled. I looked at her questionably and touched my own cheek. Nothing. My cheek felt just fine to me. "Baby..? What's wrong?" She was still staring at me in disbelieve.

"Sam! Your cheek.." It came out as a shocked whisper. I looked at her. "Lee-Lee? What's wrong?" This time a startled tone sounded through my own voice as well.

She shook her head and carefully touched my cheek again and jerked her hand away again. "You're glowing HOT Sam!" This time she sounded really scared.

I tried calming her down. "Shhh baby, it's alright, I feel just fine!" I spoke to her in a soft and gentle voice while I brushed a few hairs out of her face. She cringed. "Sam, your hand.."

I looked at my hand and I frowned, it looked just the same to me and it felt just fine. Leah shuddered and looked at me. "Samy baby? Can we go now please? I want you to see a doctor!" She looked at me seriously and squeezed my hand. I was wondering if she was joking me. As far as I concerned I felt fine, not different than usually. I shrugged and helped her up. "Sure baby, if that makes you feel better, I will." I smiled to comfort her. Leah touched my cheek again and shook her head. "It really doesn't feel good honey.."

I chuckled at her concern. "I'm sure everything is just fine! C'mon, let's go" I friendly nudged her and she lightly punched my arm in reply. "I don't worry just for the hell of it Sam!" A mixture of fear, concern and anger sounded through her voice. She was serious.

We argued a little on our way home and I gave in on her demand that I should go and see a doctor. But not now, tomorrow. I kissed her goodnight when we reached her home and I resumed my way to my own deserted cabin.

Twilight was starting out already and the sounds of the day slowly got replaced by the sounds of the night. I sat on my front porch and listened with my eyes closed to the sounds of the woods. Weird. I never heard these sounds so intense before. Even all minor sounds and details seemed to reach my consciousness.

I must've fell asleep, 'cause somewhere past midnight I woke up shaking. My whole body was trembling and I looked at myself in terror. I felt hot and cold at the same time, burning. My clothes felt like they were choking me. I just couldn't stop shaking and I tried to get up and get help. I screamed in terror as an excruciating pain spread out through my spine, it felt like an unknown force tried tearing my spine out. I fell over, not able to breathe. I closed my eyes and all I wanted was just to die.

The pain disappeared as sudden as it came, I opened my eyes, I actually felt good, but a little different. When I opened my eyes I screamed out in fear. My scream came out as a loud whimper. I just stood there, trembling again. My sight was so much sharper than I was used to, but I wasn't looking at my own nose. I looked at a hairy muzzle. No! NOO! I shook my head and screamed the words out. At least, I THOUGHT I was screaming the words out, the only thing I heard was a loud howl emerging from my throat. Startled I ran off. What the hell did just happen to me? I realized my running was a lot faster than the speed I used to have, as a human.

When I reached the spot where I spend my afternoon with Leah, I looked down in the stream. My reflection didn't lie.. A big black wolf stared back at me. My jaw dropped and I snapped my teeth in disbelieve. I howled in anger and fear, not able to control myself, I ran off again. When I reached an open space somewhere in the debts of the woods I stopped. I just paced around and got angrier with every step. I felt alone and disconnected, I didn't understand WHAT happened and WHY it happened. Were there others like me? My mind seemed connected to something, something I couldn't touch. I looked around the dark woods and found that I was all alone. Not even the inhabitants of the woods had the nerve to come near me. I felt like I was a monster. Eventually I lay down and whimpered while I thought of Leah. This afternoon seemed so great.. so.. perfect. Who would ever want to marry a wolf? A dog? A mutt? At that point I didn't want to think of the future..

The thought wandered to my mind for hours. My mood kept swinging from angry to depressed, and from lonely to helpless. Anger quickly became my companion and hours slowly turned into days. I felt need to run and eventually to hunt. The animal instinct began to take over, it eased me, made me calmer. Running was like a drug to me, the soft soil under my paws and the soft thud I heard with every step, calmed me. After a few days, I longed to go back to La Push and see how Leah was doing, I missed her so much.. I sighed, I knew I probably never got to hold her again as before, but I wanted her to know that I was okay. And that I loved her, how was I going to do that..?

That night, I hid in the tree line near Leah's house, from behind the bush I could peek into her room. I saw her, her eyes were red and she looked like she had been crying. I had the urge to go to her, to comfort her. She dropped down on her bed and started weeping again. I could hear her whisper my name and praying for me to be alright. She cried herself to sleep that night, I whimpered and held guard at her window. The least I could do was watching over her.

That night, I just kept wondering about how I could ever see Leah again, and if she could ever see me in this shape. I started to accept what I had become.

Just before dawn broke, I wandered off, back into the woods, hiding myself. When I walked up to the stream I felt my body change, I looked down and I turned my hands in disbelieve. Quickly I looked into the stream to see my own reflection. I screamed out in disbelieve and happiness. I couldn't believe it! I was Sam again! I trembled in excitement. In a flash I looked down and blushed. I realized I was standing here, naked, all alone in the woods and miles away from home. I decided to find my way back again, and pondered over what I was going to tell Leah. What I hadn't realized, is that my journey only just started out. It wasn't over, far from that.

_I wrote this story as a tribute to my dear friend who could no longer be with us. On our role-playing site he impersonated Sam, he was our Sam. Alex, I miss you 3 _


End file.
